‘Lorem ipsum’, for too long the de facto choice for designers starved of actual content, will today be replaced (where I can get away with it) by my superior Ipsum, ‘Volvo Ipsum’; a dummy text so safe and reliable that you don’t even need to wear a seatbelt (or have a college degree) to use it.
The house style of coherent incoherence produced by randomly concatenated words really suits me and allows me to disguise my true knowledge of, among other things, Volvo’s in general and cars in particular.
Before we tuck in to a couple of stanzas of Volvo Ipsum, let’s take a glance at the competition.
First up to bat is the unapologetic Cheese Ipsum. Not from a culture of cheese-centric dishes I found the whole thing a little rich for my taste, pausing to rehydrate between sentences. A vegan option would have been appreciated but absolutely not essential. Despite this my favourite excerpt remains ‘when the cheese comes out everybody’s happy.’ I am clearly missing a trick as a host.
Next up, the indomitable Hipster Ipsum with its impressive vocabulary and mouthwatering authenticity. Favourite excerpts include ‘cold pressed vapourware’, and ‘hoodie trust fund hell of a roof party.’ A first class Ipsum.
By no means the runner up we have Online Dating Ipsum. Heavy on the insecurity. A mixture of word soup and direct cries for help. The scrambly nature of Ipsum only adds to the sense of paranoia and anxiety in this case. Favourite excerpt: ‘I love the smell of someone who shares my sense of humour.’
By now, I hope you’ve sensed a theme. While lacking in a banality that makes Lorem Ipsum ‘instantly recognisable yet instantly forgettable,’ they are all cohesive in their fragmented, exaggerated and repetitive way.
Will Volvo Ipsum hold its own? Will it make too much sense, or not enough sense? Will it strike a chord with other Volvo owners or will I be laughed out of the forums from where so many insights were obtained?
Volvo ipsum krona sit amet, abba brick flying wardrobe corner helvete. Villa, Volvo, vovve, guzzle gas low mileage meatball wagon flat bed. One previous owner, careful seat belt cruise is that your dad’s car? Swedish steel side impact billy bookcase three-point long boat protection system.
Headlamp wipers Val Hala Gothenburg we roll next stop Stocksund. Family friendly long weekend fastest tractor rearward-facing Child Safety Seat. Adjustable lumbar support graduated college. Flatpack crumple zone bullet proof grand luxe executive. Four-door, five-door, tailgate no tow bar active chassis special place for the fuel filler cap. Smart.
To create this Ipsum I would like to thank: One global pandemic, my partner Sarah (an Ikea evangelist), my Volvo ‘Vlad’, Swedish chum Ebba, and various Youtube holes.