I love cheese. My cholesterol levels would confirm that (DM if you want my latest blood test), and even though I've developed a growing love for cheddar and goat cheeses—American cheese will always have a soft, goey, exclusive soft spot in my heart when it comes to burgers and breakfast sandwiches.
With that being said, where the heck is my American cheese, America?
I thought living in the land of morbid obesity, firearms, and fast food had its perks, but I have been disappointed more times than I should when it comes to ordering food with American cheese. Here is the setup—I go to a diner, and I don't even need a menu. I know what I want. The waitress comes around, and I order my usual:
"Can I have a western omelette, crispy home fries, wheat bread, and a side of sausage? Oh and can you add American cheese to the omelette?" ¹
¹ (I've even tried variations of this where I say "Can I have a western omelette with American cheese" instead of adding it to the end of my order)
If you didn't know, omelettes don't come default with cheese. You typically have to order cheese with it (am I the ONLY person who finds that bizarre?). Anyway, the waitress nods her head, scribbles on her notepad, and whisks away to the kitchen.
10 minutes later, my food comes out. At first glance, everything is there, but just a second later and I notice my omelette looks rather plain. I take my fork and open it up, and to my surprise, no cheese. Now mind you, this isn't just one particular diner. I have gone to other diners, ordering the same thing and have encountered the same phenomenon. Everything else is ordered perfectly, but no American cheese to be found. I would say it's almost a 40-50% chance that when I order American cheese with my eggs, I don't get it.
Now what about delis? Usually I order at a bodega, but just last week I experienced the unusual. I was over at my parents turf last week for the holiday and we got breakfast sandwiches one morning. I got a sandwich that typically HAS cheese on it, but I substituted it for American cheese instead (sorry Swiss lovers). I open my sandwich up, and guess what? No American cheese. But what's even worse? NO CHEESE AT ALL. Yup, not even the cheese that comes with it was included.
So what gives? Am I the only one who is experiencing this anti-American cheese behavior? Is there a conspiracy against people who like American cheese?